Happy-Massacre-of-the-Native-Americans-For-the-Patriotism-of-America Day!
Trust me, I didn't come up with that label for Thanksgiving. I thought it was mildly interesting...and sorta fitting. There was a "Rewards Day" at school on Tuesday, and my friend, Callie, made a cake with that wish scrawled on the top. It opened my eyes even more to see Juniors and Seniors in Pre-Calculus who still believe in the censored, first grade version of the first Thanksgiving. Sheesh...
You know, I hate that they make us go to school for two days and let us out for the rest of the week. It just inserts another reason into teachers' minds to give us tests to cram for. Political Science wasn't so pretty, but Chemistry was much better. Why must teachers have cooties???
On a more serious note, my grandmother's currently in the hospital. She lives in Karachi, Pakistan, therefore worrying us much more. The state Pakistan is in at the moment isn't exactly fine and dandy. A couple of weeks ago, their dolt of a president decided to declare martial law and began sacking lawyers, judges, etc. Personally, I think he's acting like a little child. Let's run a parallel scenario, shall we?
My sweet, innocent, darling sister's thought process: I want a cookie!
President Musharraf's thought process: I want to be the President of Pakistan!
My sweet, innocent, darling sister's thought process: But wait! I also want a gallon of ice cream!
President Musharraf's thought process: But wait! I want to be the General of the army too!
My sweet, innocent, darling sister declares to everyone: I want a cookie AND a gallon of ice cream, now!
President Musharraf declares to everyone: I want to be President AND General of the army!
Mama: No, you must choose one thing. It's unhealthy to eat both.
Judicial Branch of Pakistan: No, you must choose one position. It's unconstitutional to be both.
My sweet, innocent, darling sister: (tantrum ensues)
President Musharraf: (declares state of emergency and sacks people)
And so, protests and marches and riots began because of Musharraf's stupidity. News networks were shut down, so people in the country didn't know what the hell was going on, except for the gunshots heard near the window or the rumors going around. And when my grandmother was admitted into the hospital, we didn't know what to do besides pray for her good health to return.
The news of her admission into the hospital came only two days ago. Within the same morning that she called, my dad made the decision to go to Pakistan. None of us could do anything, especially as she's his mom. His first priority. I put a smile on and told him that I knew she'd be happy to see him. He nodded...but he added, "That is, if she can recognize me." I've been praying for God to give her the ability to recognize him when he enters that hospital room. Gosh, I've been praying that he arrives there safely and doesn't run into any conflicts that may arise. We know he's about to arrive in Karachi any time soon. Knowing my dad, he'll go to the hospital once he gets his luggage, no questions asked. That's only one of the reasons out of many why I love him so much.
She'll be ok. He'll be ok. That's what I keep telling myself.
Our flowers in the garden are dead now. It was the cold air that killed them, not the drought in the summer. Truly a miracle, huh? Not really. It was because of the drought that we learned we had been watering them too much. The flowers actually flourished beautifully because of the drought. Buds bloomed, leaves outstretched toward the sunlight.
It was the cold air that killed them.
I'm Not in Denial; I Know I'm A Lazy Bum
Yeah, so my computer's not working so well at the moment...
Let's see, the last time I posted was in October, right? Such a long time ago.
Beta Convention was pretty nice. Shelby and I didn't place in the talent show; at the time, I felt extremely guilty because it was basically my fault. I made the stupid mistake of not taking water with me and coincedentally, my throat became completely void of moisture whatsoever. I couldn't reach my high notes or any of the notes that I was meant to hold out, because of that. I guess my one satisfaction is that I sorta kinda made up for it by being in character as Galinda and making the audience laugh. I shall persevere and prove myself next time!
I was amazed at the freedom we were given in Louisville. In Jr. Beta, our sponsors wouldn't let us out of their sight, but in Sr. Beta, we were allowed to roam around town, explore the lack of city that there was, etc.
Heh, I managed to sprain my ankle at Beta too. We were having this party/get-together in one of the hotel rooms for the sheer fact that we were waiting for pizza at around midnight. The guys that were on the trip decided to scrawl their room numbers in shaving cream on the window for all the world to see. Unfortunately I was attempting to be "The Responsible One" and messed up their message. They did it again, but this time, they were prepared. As soon as they saw me coming, they got someone to hold me back...I depended on my "amazing" acrobatic skills, jumped from one bed to another, and went flying through the air until one of the guys pushed me. I landed on my ankle. OUCH.
So now I'm wearing a boot brace or whatever you call it...
If you're disappointed with this post, don't worry, I'm with ya. It was more for the sake of posting rather than getting everything out. *sigh* Hopefully I'll be back within the next week to catch up.
Caged
I do not like to cry. Not only does crying distort facial features to puffy and red doom, but it also leaves me feeling tired and worn out after I’m done. There are other reasons, but I’ll get to those later...
Shelby and I are planning to take part in the talent show for Beta Club. We’re performing "What Is This Feeling?" from "Wicked"...ironically, I’m the perky, pink, preppy witch, Galinda, while Shelby is Elphaba, the green witch who’s an outcast. The song itself is hilarious as both of us are conveying our loathing for each other to great extents throughout its entirety.
Then the problems came into play: though I have confessed myself as a procrastinator, I can be a bit of a perfectionist at times, especially when getting ready to sing for an audience of hundreds of people XD. Shelby likes to procrastinate, so she always felt that the day of our performance was farther than it seemed (we leave for Beta Convention next Wednesday I believe). And so, Shelby didn’t practice the song as much as I wanted her to. It turned out that I was practicing, along with coming up with the basic choreography. Dread began to pile on each time I asked Shelby if she had practiced and she replied with a "No, I was too tired..." or "No, I was way too busy last night." It was simply not enough to practice for 20 or so minutes at school and do absolutely nothing at home!
After a couple more incidents similar to the above, I finally went off. Now not in a storming, explosive fashion, but more like a firm, harsher way of words. I simply said that I felt rotten as it felt as if I was doing all the work, putting more effort into everything, and finally ending with, "This experience has taught me to never do something like this with you again...it’s too much."
Shelby, being a person who takes things to heart and slightly emotional, decided that if I was going to be mean to her like that then she wanted no part in the talent show with me. *sigh* Too bad that $50 had been paid by the both of us along with making the commitment to doing the song...
After she refused to go practice with me today, I simply turned around and walked away. I couldn’t handle it anymore. This and other stimulations of stress such as my siblings, school in general, and nobody I could talk to in an instant. My only choice left was the guidance office, not too bad, especially as they were able to help last year when I was having issues with my dad. They told me to check back in the next day because all the counselors were either gone or busy. I left, set on telling our Beta sponsor that the talent show gig was over, especially after the finality Shelby used when refusing to practice.
I look back and realize how great it was that Mr. Q wasn’t in his room when I checked. If he was, there would’ve been no song, no nothing. But at the time of course, I didn’t realize it. It was then that I let myself go, allowing myself to let tears fall. I hated it. I didn’t want to be seen as this helpless little girl roaming down the hallways, all emotionally disturbed but not knowing what to do about it. Back to the guidance office I went, and I managed to croak out a question asking if I could simply sit there.
It was like my entire guard was down; I was completely vulnerable, those tears lifted a shield away, allowing for onlookers to really look at me. My other reason for not liking to cry? Outsiders’ reactions. I sat there as students and teachers cast me forced expressions of concern or skittered away nervously, as if I was a time bomb. Some just stared, no expression on their faces at all, scrutinizing my every move.
Mr. Cavenaugh was the first counselor free. It was humiliating what happened next: the secretary pointed at me (very obviously, if I may add) and motioned for Mr. C to take me into his office. Now Mr. C looks like the kind of dude who’d be a football/military buff. More like the kind of guy who would love to hear about your greatest moment in sports rather than petty and trivial friendship problems. Mr. C just gave the secretary and incredulous look and averted his eyes away from me, pretending that I hardly existed. I felt really trivial and petty at that moment. He was nice in one aspect though: he offered me a new Kleenex box after I used up the one on the front desk XD
Then, Tony and Cody came in. Cody I’ve known since last year, more of a friend/close acquaintance. I had only seen Tony once before and heard about him from Calli in my Pre-Calculus class. If it hadn’t been for him, that long wait would’ve been entirely miserable. Tony brought a smile to my face with his spastic remarks and sincere interest in how I was feeling. I hardly know the guy and he asks about me and what’s going on. If it hadn’t been for my stuffy nose and blocked up throat I most probably would’ve opened up right then and there.
Sheesh, there aren’t too many gentlemen out there, but when one is found, it’s refreshing, especially because it keeps your hopes up for the male population ^.^
I’ll wrap this up briefly: I finally got to speak with Mrs. Gage, a very sweet woman. She helped me realize some things...like whether or not maintaining a friendship with Shelby is really worth it. Doubts have drifted through my mind, but for now, I’ll push them away. Mrs. Gage even brought Shelby in so we wouldn’t act like immature idiots (I’m not immature! As for that other describing word...) and try to stay away from each other. We solved the issue, and ‘tis certain that we’ll be singing at Convention. And maybe even kicking butt while we’re at it...
Thanks Tony.
*cough, sneeze*
Today was...meh...
I set my alarm clock to go off at 5 am every morning. I heard the bell at the usual time, but I couldn’t will myself to get up. This was most in part to the fact that I had developed some kind of throat infection the night before. And so, I lay there, staring at the ceiling, drifting between the dreamy realm of sleep and reality. It was nice, you know? I daresay that many of you have experienced this feeling. It’s awesome and relaxing-until something jolts you back into reality; in this case, my arm lazily swapped my night stand, causing the alarm to go off once again.
Yes, I got up this time and to my surprise, it was a little past 6. We leave the house at approximately 6:30ish. Mind you, I previously detailed the fact that I had developed a sickness, and when most people are sick, they walk around as if they’re high...in a daze. I wouldn’t have minded that had it not been for the pain going through my throat every time I swallowed the scarcity of saliva left to swallow.
Fortunately, I got out of the house in time. Unfortunately, I realized that I had to take the PSAT today. Being a sophomore, it doesn’t have much of an effect on me, but the fact that I had to sit for a test for some 3-4 hours wasn’t an inviting thought. Sam made some of my morning enjoyable; we went through this PSAT prep booklet, laughing at the funny and intriguing vocabulary words. Yes, it is a very appealing pastime for me XD
The test itself...let’s just say that I’m glad I’m not a junior who’s applying for the National Merit. I didn’t put a whole lot of effort into studying anyway, it was more for the purpose of getting a feel of the test. Heh, it also didn’t help that my calculator died on me in the middle of the math section. *curses math and calculator gods*
What’s more is that Shelby was a being a pain in the ass...I regard her as a close friend, yet she has her moments when she’s very self-absorbed and annoying. I guess it didn’t help that I accused her of getting me sick as soon as I saw her this morning...but let me ask you this: if someone were to sneeze on you and you got sick the following night, wouldn’t you have your suspicions as to what their droplets of mucus and spit were carrying? Shelby simply floated down da Nile River, rejecting the fact that she blew air out her nose (and other unpleasant things) at 100 miles/hour in my general direction. She also got ticked that I was leaving school early...here’s her reasoning:
Shelby + sneeze=Sanaa’s sick
If Sanaa is sick because of Shelby’s sneeze, Shelby is definitely sick
Shelby’s immune system + cold virus=Sanaa’s immune system + cold virus
Therefore, Shelby and Sanaa are equally sick...
Sanaa goes home=Shelby goes home
Dude, that’s the worst form of mathematical/critical thinking I’ve ever seen. Then again, this is my imagination...does that say something about me? XD
Bless my mother, she took me home. This is after the PSAT of course. I’d hate to have missed that! *cue laughter* I found this funny though...my conversation concerning calling home with my Chemistry teacher:
Sanaa: Hey, Mrs. Arnold? Umm...could I call home? I’m not exactly feeling...dandy. *slouches dejectedly*
Mrs. Arnold: *begins cracking up* Sure, sure you can...
Sanaa: What’s wrong?
Mrs. Arnold: I just love how you...you’re just so articulate, even when you’re...*laughs*
Sanaa: Even when I’m sick? Yeah, I know. *wry smile*
Doesn’t seem like much, does it? Well, you wouldn’t believe it, but a small thing like that made my day...along with Ambah pouncing on me and almost refusing to let me walk out the door, of course. ^ ^
I likey soup, especially when I’m feeling all "blah". It warms the insides, kinda sorta emitting a warmth straight from your stomach. Yeah, it hit the spot...
I'm Drawing a Blank (literally)
I am feeling like
Syaoran at this moment...this would be more accurate if
Mokona were to slip into
Syaoran's head and begin dancing there.
But you must believe me, my hand is poised over my imaginary piece of paper, clutching its imaginary writing utensil, about to actually draw a blank. It's almost like an oxymoron isn't it? To draw requires some sort of work, joules of energy. After all, "draw" is a verb and a verb is an action word. A blank on the other hand...according to dictionary.com, a blank when pertaining to a piece of paper is "having no marks; not written or printed on". No verb can be enacted upon my imaginary piece of paper, for it will be blank no longer. Sure it can be a blank and torn piece of paper or a blank, folded piece of paper, but it won't be just blank.
I put my imaginary writing utensil down and slide the imaginary paper away from me. I shall allow it to remain blank.
You know, the screams of terror and repetitive thumping up and down the stairs are only accentuating the pain in my head. I laugh all the same...my sisters and their friends running from my father who roars with every encounter.
I'd like to say some things about my father, for you most probably don't know much about him. He's a hard worker who does everything he can for us. He braves through everything and spends the only time he has at the end of the day to talk to us and play with us. But there are moments, few and far in between, in which stress takes its toll. My father can become stern and say things not meant to be said, but I still understand. Without him, or anyone else dear to me for that matter, I wouldn't be complete. We need everything we find in a person, no matter the kinks or faults, for without them, would that person truly be a person to us?
I retrieve the blank paper and scrutinize it, waiting for something to magically appear. Nothing.
Ramblings With Lamp Posts
I shall ignore my last post and all others before this, because tonight has revealed something to me. I can't describe in words as to what was revealed, but I know in my mind, my thoughts. As to you, you can infer (*sigh* once again XD), but I really doubt you'll understand. And also, once again, I'm writing this to get it out, to maybe experience what I felt again. I highly doubt it, but there's that small fluttering piece of hope; after all, there was a reason Pandora released hope wholeheartedly into the world.
I went on a walk tonight. This was after my discussion with a certain cute, furry creature out there who shall go unnamed, though I have a feeling that anger marks are slowly materializing on her forehead...something or other. Once I stepped out, there was this chilly breeze that swept over me, making me open my eyes to what was around me. Fall is here along with its crisp, cool mornings, its fresh air, its new beginnings.
Sure, fall doesn't strike most people as a season of beginnings, but to me it does. I can't clearly describe what I mean by this, other than saying that there's a certain feeling in the air throughout the entire season; this feeling's exactly like the mood after rain. There's a clearness to the air, as if everything considered unclean has been washed away. Fall was once dead to me, but now it’s alive. Omniscient is the word. I feel that a new view has been put on everything around me, allowing me to see the real side of things.
The stars, after all, were even more apparent tonight than they usually are. That engulfing ambiance that constantly fills the air was almost nonexistent; the only evidence of it was the occasional whoosh of a car or the far-off cry of a train. I began my walk, expecting my mom to come out at any time to join me. I was looking forward to her accompanying me, so that I'd be able to hear our quiet voices through the darkness. But...
She never came. And I'm glad she didn't, at least this time. Looking back, my walk let me delve deeper into my own thoughts: about myself, my surroundings, I even couldn't help but think of such a trivial thing as this blog.
My neighborhood is dotted with lamp posts. To me, that visual is almost magical. Lamp posts aren't foreboding as they're made out to be in horror films. Now streetlights, those are eerie with their yellowish orange light emitted downward, careful to highlight and spot anything and everything. Lamp posts are like comrades. They’re not too tall and not too bright. They’re there to occasionally light the way, but allow you to stray away from time to time. Another great thing about lamp posts is that they rattle at the slightest movement. Alone, they seem loud enough to wake the dead, but walking away, they carefully trail off...until you approach another lamp post, of course.
And so, with the lamp posts as my guides and the stars for my guidance, I strolled along, contemplating. Contemplating what? I don’t know, the seasons, the way a certain tree looked in the wind, the fact that I had no goal but to walk on. It felt good. To those of you out there who have used walks to simply think and feel, kudos. Major kudos.
Finally, I stood just outside our front lawn, looking into the lighted windows of my house. It was strange... "an outsider looking in".
I don’t feel depressed, sentimental, thrilled, disappointed, expectant, infuriated, hyper, none of that. Instead, for the first time in a long while, I feel calm and pleased with myself and life itself. I feel a change coming on...most probably not noticeable in my everyday doings or speech, but somewhere, there will be a change. For the better, I’m hopeful.
Oddly Sentimental
This is a strange post for me because...it's different and very "unrevealing". You'll have to infer everything, which'll probably be alright, as you'll get the gist of it. Then again, my main reason for writing this is to get it out; out of my head in some minor ways, though it'll most likely stick there.
I don't know what to think. People give you two choices: the heart or the mind. My problem is that my heart and my mind don't know what the heck to think. With someone looking at me, through me, from a distance, it's hard to keep my mind thinking logically. Should I approach him or should I turn away, according to a friend who's not a friend? My heart beats rapidly for reasons unknown...this didn't happen at first sight, but only after my thoughts consumed me later on.
If I do force myself to think logically, I feel the whole situation is preposterous; a ginormous "NO" stands as the brooding label. Age has its limits...so do the "superior generation". I try to look at it from an outsider's point of view, only succeeding in coming to the same conclusions.
GAH! I want to talk to someone about this, but there's no one to turn to. If anyone were to ask me and push me to elaborate, I'd feel like a fool. I'd feel like I'm making too much of this. I'd feel young, immature, unexperienced with the world and its obstacles.
Is there any harm in simply talking to him? There can't be, right? My friend who is not a friend urges me to stay away, hide myself. I wish to look at her with scorn and tell her how I feel about her.
"You are a sniveling idiot behind that pleasant mask. Why should I listen to what you say, Friend Who is Not a Friend? Rather, I wish to rebel against you, just because you feel you can hold me back with your fake expressions, but revealing comments. Don't worry, I shall also act as a friend who is not a friend for you, though it's a lowly position, but your elaborations last night were much too revealing. Truly revealing."
*sigh* I could say that to her, then discover a new somebody: him.
Let Us Stray Away From Life's Obstacles
I'd like to add "and slightly more relaxed" to the above.
Anyway, you must already know how much school has been stressing me out with work. If you didn't...you know now. These past two weeks have actually been the most strenuous. Thank God Fall Break is next week *collective sigh of relief*
Muahahahaha! I absolutely love that my state is one of the select few that actually has a Fall Break. *sticks tongue out*
It's just that the teachers, no matter how much I like them, have really been piling on the homework. English, with its last minute final projects, Political Science, with its independent and technologically driven assignments, Chemistry, with its bunches of notes to study, and Pre-Calculus, with....never mind, Pre-Calculus is moving smoothly XD.
I'm proud to say that I'm an overachiever and make straight A's, but come on! Give us some down time! My parents must have read my mind, because tonight they decided that we should have Random Family Bonding Time.
Okay, so Random Family Bonding Time doesn't sound appealing at all, does it? Heh, with my family, it is. Various bonding activities we've done in the past consist of going to McDonald's in our pajamas, riding through the streets of Atlanta with the stereo pounding, trying to blast each other at Monopoly, visiting friends in the middle of the night, and today, taking a random swing by the ice cream shop.
It was great. Just sitting out there, slurping ice cream ("slurping" is a funny word), and saying nonsensical things about different topics was awesome. I thanked my mom and dad for taking us out like that; it was just what I needed, rather than sweating away over homework. And the cookie dough ice cream wasn't that bad either. ^^
I believe that's all for now...there's other stuff I want to say, but I don't feel it's right to post it here and now. The time shall come.
*disappears in a cloud of corn*
In This Case, I Shall Not Respect My Elder
Yes, yes it is, Roy. Actually he's absotively posolutely correct in saying that. Good Roy! *throws Roy a doggy biscuit* Uh-oh, I think he's even more displeased now...
The cause of my annoyance? NET NANNY! For those of you who don't know what this horrid creature is, let me enlighten you a bit: Net Nanny is a demon lady program thingy! She sits there and blocks out sites that are meant to be inappropriate, but instead, shuts down sites like Encyclopedia Britannica...sheesh, if you want to bar me from bad sites, do it right, Net Nanny!
But now Net Nanny has gone too far. Net Nanny has gotten the nerve to block me from posting comments and tags on Bravenet! Take a look to your left at my friends' list. Now go to each and every single one of their blogs and take note of the URLs. Any patterns? GAH! THEY'RE ALL ON BRAVENET! I can imagine the ugly, shriveled, old Net Nanny cackling away while pulling plugs all across the web...
...Stepping away from that *nervous laugh* I'm all "yucky blucky" because that time of the month is peeking at me from around the corner. You know, I've always wondered why women in general get really aggravated when some dude asks them if it's their time of the month. Is it the fact that they feel men assume that the only reason they get all psycho is because of their period? Or is it because they're too ashamed to admit it? Or is it because they wish for God to smite them in their tracks if they utter the slightest word concerning women and their "functions"? An answer to this question and my theories is welcome. I'm just curious because I don't mind being asked, while it seems that the majority of the female population has different feelings about it.
Heh, I apologize to any of you out there feeling very uncomfortable and sorry that you read this. Ah well, my blog, my way.
*disappears in a cloud of aprons*
Little Devils >.<
This is my new idea: Because I've changed my layout (you like?), and multiple pics can end up becoming broken links, I shall post a picture before writing, conveying my mood/feelings at the moment.
A good inference from the pic above would probably be, "Sanaa's sick". Yep, I was struck by a minor stomach virus earlier today. Not pretty! My stomach feels a little weak after throwing up, but other than that, I'm okay! When I got up, I get a call from my mom saying that my sister's got a stomach ache. She was dropped off and I spent some of the day taking care of her. WHEE! She's doing well.
My sister and I felt kinda sorta bad about burdening our mom, so we spent most of the day cleaning up the house. I usually hate cleaning, but doing it for a higher cause gives me a feeling of...goodness, or something like that.
This week began the much-despised Homecoming Week. Was I glad or what that I could stay at home today! I still don't understand Homecoming Week. My theory is that a bunch of preps get together and brainstorm about what useless and idiotic things they can get the entire school to do in the spirit of "winning football" (trust me, you'd understand what those quotations meant if you had any idea of what school I go to). I believe today was Pajama Day...that worked out for me, didn't it? All I did was walk around in my pj's at home. XD
My other sister had a birthday party on Saturday for turning 6. Mama put me in charge of kids' activities. I had everything planned out, and I was really excited because I thought I'd be the picture of perfect mentor and role model to those little kids.
Turns out I was wrong.
IT'S LIST TIME!!!! *ahem* The party would've been great if:
My mother hadn't invited an America-hating, arrogant, "I'm-so-cool-just-because-I-only-listen-to-Japanese-music" 13 year old
Somebody had the sense to put the leftover ice cream into the FREEZER rather than the FRIDGE
The boys had been less apt to break out into spontaneous fights everywhere
An asinine little boy had the sense to draw on paper rather than the floor
The printer hadn't decided to have a paper jam, hindering me from printing out awards for our prize ceremony, and leaving me to burn my fingers
I hadn't thought up something so stupid as a "Prize Ceremony"
I hadn't been so obsessive about making everything perfect
*sigh* I thank God for the quiet, good little children who were at the birthday party. I learned my lesson though: Never expect young children to act the way you visualize them to be beforehand.
*disappears in a cloud of balloons*
