The Dealings and Misdealings of Ms. Sanaa

This is a strange post for me because...it's different and very "unrevealing". You'll have to infer everything, which'll probably be alright, as you'll get the gist of it. Then again, my main reason for writing this is to get it out; out of my head in some minor ways, though it'll most likely stick there.

I don't know what to think. People give you two choices: the heart or the mind. My problem is that my heart and my mind don't know what the heck to think. With someone looking at me, through me, from a distance, it's hard to keep my mind thinking logically. Should I approach him or should I turn away, according to a friend who's not a friend? My heart beats rapidly for reasons unknown...this didn't happen at first sight, but only after my thoughts consumed me later on.

If I do force myself to think logically, I feel the whole situation is preposterous; a ginormous "NO" stands as the brooding label. Age has its limits...so do the "superior generation". I try to look at it from an outsider's point of view, only succeeding in coming to the same conclusions.

GAH! I want to talk to someone about this, but there's no one to turn to. If anyone were to ask me and push me to elaborate, I'd feel like a fool. I'd feel like I'm making too much of this. I'd feel young, immature, unexperienced with the world and its obstacles.

Is there any harm in simply talking to him? There can't be, right? My friend who is not a friend urges me to stay away, hide myself. I wish to look at her with scorn and tell her how I feel about her.

"You are a sniveling idiot behind that pleasant mask. Why should I listen to what you say, Friend Who is Not a Friend? Rather, I wish to rebel against you, just because you feel you can hold me back with your fake expressions, but revealing comments. Don't worry, I shall also act as a friend who is not a friend for you, though it's a lowly position, but your elaborations last night were much too revealing. Truly revealing."

*sigh* I could say that to her, then discover a new somebody: him.