Ramblings With Lamp Posts
I shall ignore my last post and all others before this, because tonight has revealed something to me. I can't describe in words as to what was revealed, but I know in my mind, my thoughts. As to you, you can infer (*sigh* once again XD), but I really doubt you'll understand. And also, once again, I'm writing this to get it out, to maybe experience what I felt again. I highly doubt it, but there's that small fluttering piece of hope; after all, there was a reason Pandora released hope wholeheartedly into the world.
I went on a walk tonight. This was after my discussion with a certain cute, furry creature out there who shall go unnamed, though I have a feeling that anger marks are slowly materializing on her forehead...something or other. Once I stepped out, there was this chilly breeze that swept over me, making me open my eyes to what was around me. Fall is here along with its crisp, cool mornings, its fresh air, its new beginnings.
Sure, fall doesn't strike most people as a season of beginnings, but to me it does. I can't clearly describe what I mean by this, other than saying that there's a certain feeling in the air throughout the entire season; this feeling's exactly like the mood after rain. There's a clearness to the air, as if everything considered unclean has been washed away. Fall was once dead to me, but now it’s alive. Omniscient is the word. I feel that a new view has been put on everything around me, allowing me to see the real side of things.
The stars, after all, were even more apparent tonight than they usually are. That engulfing ambiance that constantly fills the air was almost nonexistent; the only evidence of it was the occasional whoosh of a car or the far-off cry of a train. I began my walk, expecting my mom to come out at any time to join me. I was looking forward to her accompanying me, so that I'd be able to hear our quiet voices through the darkness. But...
She never came. And I'm glad she didn't, at least this time. Looking back, my walk let me delve deeper into my own thoughts: about myself, my surroundings, I even couldn't help but think of such a trivial thing as this blog.
My neighborhood is dotted with lamp posts. To me, that visual is almost magical. Lamp posts aren't foreboding as they're made out to be in horror films. Now streetlights, those are eerie with their yellowish orange light emitted downward, careful to highlight and spot anything and everything. Lamp posts are like comrades. They’re not too tall and not too bright. They’re there to occasionally light the way, but allow you to stray away from time to time. Another great thing about lamp posts is that they rattle at the slightest movement. Alone, they seem loud enough to wake the dead, but walking away, they carefully trail off...until you approach another lamp post, of course.
And so, with the lamp posts as my guides and the stars for my guidance, I strolled along, contemplating. Contemplating what? I don’t know, the seasons, the way a certain tree looked in the wind, the fact that I had no goal but to walk on. It felt good. To those of you out there who have used walks to simply think and feel, kudos. Major kudos.
Finally, I stood just outside our front lawn, looking into the lighted windows of my house. It was strange... "an outsider looking in".
I don’t feel depressed, sentimental, thrilled, disappointed, expectant, infuriated, hyper, none of that. Instead, for the first time in a long while, I feel calm and pleased with myself and life itself. I feel a change coming on...most probably not noticeable in my everyday doings or speech, but somewhere, there will be a change. For the better, I’m hopeful.
I went on a walk tonight. This was after my discussion with a certain cute, furry creature out there who shall go unnamed, though I have a feeling that anger marks are slowly materializing on her forehead...something or other. Once I stepped out, there was this chilly breeze that swept over me, making me open my eyes to what was around me. Fall is here along with its crisp, cool mornings, its fresh air, its new beginnings.
Sure, fall doesn't strike most people as a season of beginnings, but to me it does. I can't clearly describe what I mean by this, other than saying that there's a certain feeling in the air throughout the entire season; this feeling's exactly like the mood after rain. There's a clearness to the air, as if everything considered unclean has been washed away. Fall was once dead to me, but now it’s alive. Omniscient is the word. I feel that a new view has been put on everything around me, allowing me to see the real side of things.
The stars, after all, were even more apparent tonight than they usually are. That engulfing ambiance that constantly fills the air was almost nonexistent; the only evidence of it was the occasional whoosh of a car or the far-off cry of a train. I began my walk, expecting my mom to come out at any time to join me. I was looking forward to her accompanying me, so that I'd be able to hear our quiet voices through the darkness. But...
She never came. And I'm glad she didn't, at least this time. Looking back, my walk let me delve deeper into my own thoughts: about myself, my surroundings, I even couldn't help but think of such a trivial thing as this blog.
My neighborhood is dotted with lamp posts. To me, that visual is almost magical. Lamp posts aren't foreboding as they're made out to be in horror films. Now streetlights, those are eerie with their yellowish orange light emitted downward, careful to highlight and spot anything and everything. Lamp posts are like comrades. They’re not too tall and not too bright. They’re there to occasionally light the way, but allow you to stray away from time to time. Another great thing about lamp posts is that they rattle at the slightest movement. Alone, they seem loud enough to wake the dead, but walking away, they carefully trail off...until you approach another lamp post, of course.
And so, with the lamp posts as my guides and the stars for my guidance, I strolled along, contemplating. Contemplating what? I don’t know, the seasons, the way a certain tree looked in the wind, the fact that I had no goal but to walk on. It felt good. To those of you out there who have used walks to simply think and feel, kudos. Major kudos.
Finally, I stood just outside our front lawn, looking into the lighted windows of my house. It was strange... "an outsider looking in".
I don’t feel depressed, sentimental, thrilled, disappointed, expectant, infuriated, hyper, none of that. Instead, for the first time in a long while, I feel calm and pleased with myself and life itself. I feel a change coming on...most probably not noticeable in my everyday doings or speech, but somewhere, there will be a change. For the better, I’m hopeful.
posted by Sanaa @ 7:40 PM
Comments: 3
